To preserve my sanity and as a ritual of self-confidence, I make it a point to not compare myself to other women. It's a lofty standard, and my record is nearly pristine,not counting that one time I walked by Kim K at the Grove and nearly disintegrated into an ugly pile unwomanliness.
Reality show superstars aside, I'm standing strong in all that comes with my experiences (good and bad) with my womanhood.
With that said, I'm compelled to examine (vent, purge, rant...whatever you rock with) about a major pet peeve of mine: Girlish Women.
We all know at least one or two...might be you
At any rate, this isn't an attack (actually, it is. Just going to hit you with a soft blow that won't leave bruising) it's a plea for understanding.
Before I get into my bitter [sounding] rant, let me preface this with some facts: You're winning. You look good, have a great social life and at the present moment are likely excelling financially. Odds are in any typical social setting, the men I'm most attracted to approach you before me and the ones that I'm disgusted by stay far away from you and cling to me. And to be totally petty about it, your pictures on Facebook get more likes than mine. Congratulations.
So here's my question: Why are you so fucking annoying? Like seriously, so blood bubbling, skin crawlingly, teeth clinchingly irritating. Why?
I guess my real question is this: What is the appeal of being a doe-eyed, helpless little girl that extends past puberty?
As a confident woman (am I overstating this?) I appreciate a beautiful, charming and dynamic woman. There's strength in sisterhood. *Cue the kum-ba-yah*
But when I'm in the presence of a woman that defaults to the practice of the using the high-pitched baby voice, the squeling giggle, or by far the most revolting, the pouting of the lips, I succumb to a wave of primal anger.
Strong words. I really mean them though. Not to worry babydolls, the primal anger doesn't reach a level of wanting to be violent, that's a level strictly reserved for people that yawn without covering their mouths. (Just know, if you're ever around me and yawn with your mouth wide open, I'm imagining how great it would feel to punch you in the jaw)
But back to the overgrown Shirley Temples...
Help me understand how I can peacefully co-exist in a world with you.
Other than being a perpetual sex kitten, what are the benefits to your act? Is it to garner attention from the opposite sex? Is dumbing down yourself a part of your scheme to find your Mr. Right? Or are for entertainment's sake, Mr. Right-now?
Or how about in business? We all know people that are deemed attractive are more favored in business (to a certain extent), but how far do you think the sing songy voice tone will get you in a corporate environment? Or is your intent to be wifed up before that even matters?
My [brilliant] theory, you may correct me if I'm wrong, is this: you relied on this daddy's little princess routine as a child, and it worked. In fact, it worked well. So well that it became an innate charateristic of your personality.
There's also the other possibility that you may have been neglected. Not given the full love and attention that a young girl should have, and you do this to compensate.
Either way, here's the thing, why can't you turn it off? You know, like a switch. Turn it on when you're stroking the ego of some poor sap that is imagining how lucky he is to be talking to a girl as beautiful as you are.
But for the rest of us, that could give less than a fuck about how perky your boobs are, that you have a cute giggle, and don't find it charming or even remotely amusing that you don't know the difference between a slam dunk and a grand slam (not that you have to, but it's a tired joke), turn it off.
I know, I know.... strong habits are hard to kick. But please give this a shot. It's so worth it.
Not saying you'll need to speak like you memorized Wikipedia, but it will help greatly to not say 'oooh' after you are given previously unknown information. (Bonus point: before you ask any question, think to yourself, 'Self? Can this answer be easily figured out with the help of a little environmental awareness and good old common sense?' If the answer is 'Yes' don't ask the question)
This was helpful, no? This is probably the most dialogue I had with you girls in a while. No worries, I'll limp back to my dark corner, and let you shine
(P.S. Yes, I am looking at your boyfriend. Calm down, he hasn't paid me a bit of attention all night, you might want to check your homegirl though ;-))
Stay winning... for now *evil laugh*
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